12/8/05
Hola Muchachos y Muchachas
Well we’ve been in Colombia now for 4 days and HOLY CRAP is it dangerous!!!
The pavement is all crooked and they have streetposts that are knee height all over the place so I’ve twisted my ankle twice and whacked my knee several times… man… I don’t think I’ve been in more dangerous a place…
…OK… I’ll stop being a tosser now… Seriously, Colombia really isn’t too bad… so far… touch wood…
Just before we arrived, we were completely freaked out and paranoid and had visions of being kidnapped by FARC guerillas as soon as we stepped off the plane. And if the guerillas didn’t get us then the drug lords and nasty criminals that go around carjacking people would get us and we’d be way DEADER than a dead thing…
We actually even wrote a diary entry documenting our paranoia and fear which we’ll post up if we leave Colombia safely, so you can all get a laugh at how FREAKED out we were.
In anycase, we arrived last Wednesday and pulled into the Platypus Hostel which is considered to be THE backpacker place where everyone turns up to try and get information from other travellers about the safety situation.
The crappy hostal however is in the old town which used to be pretty dangerous, but the guys at the hostal claimed that it was now safe to walk around at night which we did… and honestly, we felt fine on the streets…
However, that was until one of the backpackers had a knife pulled on him as he was undoing the lock to get into the hostal… so after that we decided that we did probably need to be a little more careful.
It was actually pretty funny since we were actually in the corridor on the other side of the front door and heard him ringing the doorbell frantically and ignored him since there was a big sign on the door saying “Don’t Open The Door For People You Don’t Know.” So we actually walked away from the door as he was being mugged as we weren’t sure what to do… oh well… shit happens…
It actually wasn’t until we heard his story later when he was telling everyone that he was ringing the doorbell and no-one answered and how pissed off he was that we realised what we had done, and then we proceeded to cover our tracks by saying… “Man it’s really bad when people don’t open the door… isn’t it?” CHOKE!
The next day, an Israeli friend of ours watched as a bagsnatcher ran off with a backpacker’s bag right in front of a policeman and a private security guard and none of them helped him catch the guy, which also is a bit freaky, but we weren’t too surprised as all the books warn you that no-one will help you if shit happens…
In anycase, Bogota was actually pretty cool. We didn’t witness any danger ourselves and had a couple of days of walking around checking out museums and just soaking up the vibe. We’ve even been out until close to midnight in Colombia and had no problems, although we’ve certainly been looking over our shoulders a lot and walking around with really mean looks on our faces…
Before we came we honestly thought Colombia would just be lots of guerillas running around in the jungle, but in actual fact, Bogota, is this massive bustling city with lots of colonial architecture mixed with ultra modern buildings and more people on the streets than any place we’ve been to in South America.
The only drama we had was actually with other backpackers. Yesterday, we decided we’d leave and head to Medellin on a plane which we had to catch early in the morning. However, at about 3.30am a bunch of 8 backpackers came back from clubbing and set up right outside our room to party on…
Now since it has been many years since I have been stoned, I can honestly say nothing FUCKS me off more than a bunch of stoners trying to sing along to Bob Marley through crappy i-pod speakers at 3.30am in the morning!!!
We spent 1 and a half hours in bed absolutely spewing, and as we were so FUCKED OFF we were thinking we may have to initiate OPERATION SHIT SCARED Part 2.
Now for those of you who weren’t getting our South America travel logs in 1998, you can click here to read about Operation Shit Scared: Avril Vs The Israelis.
In anycase, Avril eventually got up and politely asked them to be quiet which they ignored, so I eventually went out and told them all to SHUT THE FUCK UP… which of course they ignored too…
Well, after all the built up stress of getting ready for danger in Colombia, I went completely agro, and started yelling at them and when a british guy and german guy got up to go the biff me, I pulled out my best testosterone ladened yobo aussie accent and said “Right Mate… you wanna sort this out RIGHT NOW!!!”
Now, I’m normally such a pacifist, so I was pretty impressed at how nasty I sounded especially when they both backed off… However, it wasn’t til later that I realised that they were probably more scared of my spikey bed hair up and the dried dribble that was on my cheeks…
In anycase, it actually felt really good to let off some steam, and really, aggression is just like toxic sperm build up… it’s so much more fun to release with other people…
Anyhows, we are now in Medellin which other than being known as the cocaine capital of Colombia where Pablo Escobar lived, it is also well known as having the most beautiful women in the world.
Things looked pretty good when there was actually a fashion show on the plane with a hot guy and 2 hot chicks strutting their stuff in slinky clothes up and down the aisle…muy coolo…
However, now that we’ve been here for 2 days, I can honestly say that I think the hot chick thing is TOTALLY overrated!!!
Certainly the chicas here are all OK if you are into latino chicks, and certainly they all wear the usual South American look of overdone make-up, skimpy tight top, push up bras and jeans so tight that I’m sure that they all have fungal infections… but honestly they just don’t do it for me…
Maybe it’s because my hot chikkie babita Avril has bedazzled me so much that I don’t find other women attractive, or maybe the stress of possibly being kidnapped in Colombia has sapped my libido… but I really don’t think that the chicas here are the best in the world…
In anycase, it’s been a bit tough since there are no asians here, so I stick out like dog’s balls and getting a good perve going is really tough when they are all staring at me too…boo hoo…
Anyways, tomorrow we are going to head south the Valle de Cocora which is safe and we’ll probably chill out in a Colombian coffee plantation, and after that we aren’t sure what we’ll do.
One of the best archaeological sites that we want to go to is in a guerilla controlled area, but by all reports there is a truce on in this area, so we need to suss out the safety situation first.
If you’re bored, we’ve uploaded a few photos of Ecuador on this link, and here’s our Colombia pics.
Muchos Kisses and all that gooshy stuff… keep us up to date with news from home…
Love and biffo
Streetfighter Ced & Hot Chica Babita Avril
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