2/4/08
Gruss Gott to all you movers, groovers and other furry animals
Well I am currently in sitting in a crappy hotel in Munich in a cranky pants mood since today we rented a car to drive through the Bavarian Alps to go up to Zugspitze the highest mountain in Germany… but all we saw for 8 hours was the inside of a FRIGGIN cloud!!! In fact, we were driving through the Alps for most of the time and didn’t even know it since the visibility was so fecking shitty… FECK!!!
And the thing that pisses me off the most, is that it’s been like this for the last 3 weeks that we have been in Europe… and doesn’t look like it will clear anytime soon!!! …AAAAAAARGH!!! FECKIN European weather…!!!
Anyways, I’ve been on an Eastern European road trip for the last week and a bit, with 2 mates JC and Greco, and we’ve been travelling from Poland to Berlin via Slovakia, Budapest, Dresden and Prague… And honestly, the weather has been so friggin AWFUL, that it has seriously ruined what could have been a great holiday!!!
Now as most of you know, one of my many superpowers is to whinge and complain like a cranky old man, and yet be as immature as a 12 year old kid… But fortunately I have been travelling with 2 mates who totally put me to shame…
JC was probably born a cranky old man, or bitten by a radioactive cranky old man or some shit like that… and hence he has whinging superpowers by far greater than my own… And then there is Greco who has the amazing superpower to come up with immature toilet humour in any given situation but due to having congenital cranky bowel syndrome, every joke comes out as a scratch and sniff variety…
So even though the weather has been shite we’ve basically bitched, moaned, complained, perved, giggled and farted our way across Eastern Europe… which actually has been fun!!! In fact I’ve never had so much fun whinging and complaining… which is why instead of writing a nice travel blog, I’m totally going to have a moan!
Now firstly Budapest was pretty disappointing since I found the city to be like a cross between Prague and Vienna but even grottier… And even worse was that the whole place had shut down on the Easter weekend, so the place was just bleak… Feckin Easter holidays…
And not only that, we were looking forward to checking out some of the attractive Hungarians that we had been hearing about, but instead, the whole place was filled with English lager louts and morbidly obese english families, no doubt flown in by Ryanair direct from FATWICK Airport… Feckin budget airlines…
However, as bleak as Budapest was, it was nowhere near as bad as Berlin… Berlin really sucked!!!
Now we spent a whole week in Berlin during the World Cup, and back then it was such a lively and funky place… so we were completely stunned to arrive during a cold wet weekend when everything was shut down, the whole mood was depressing and the place seemed to be overrun with mutants and morlocks…
Seriously… I have never seen so many INBRED people in such a concentrated area in my entire life…
Man… it was like we’d entered a different dimension or zapped into a HG Wells novel, since all the normal people had disappeared and all the people that we came across were SERIOUSLY weird, COMPLETELY psycho-chicken, or just friggin UGLY!!! …which was really shocking, especially compared to all the hot slavic women that we had been seeing in Poland and Prague…
In fact looking at all the weirdarsed people with their vicious dogs hanging around the Checkpoint Charlie underground, it was like… if you have more than 4 teeth, then you are a smoking hot muffin… And when you want to dress up, you wear your saggy black track suit pants with the 3 stripes down the side instead of 2… For fuchs sake!!! If I wanted to see that, I would stayed home in Brisbane…
Not only that, the place seemed so miserable and bleak, that the people here didn’t just need a happy pill… They needed a fecking big happy enema… Feck it… actually I’ll take the happy enema instead…
And then sure as shit, just as we were leaving on the Monday morning… all the normal and funky people came out again, like they’d been hiding in a bunker all weekend…
Feckin Berliners… You’d think with one of the most prominent capital cities in the world, they would open it up on weekends… Oh man… and we were so looking forward to our funky Berlin chick perve too…
Anyhows, Dresden thankfully was cool as we actually had a White Easter since it snowed really hard… although it was the same weather storm that caused a zillion car pile up in Austria so driving through a blizzard on the autobahn wasn’t fun at all… Feckin snowstorms…
And Prague was fun as always, but mainly because it was my second time there so instead of checking out the tourist sights, I just spend 2 days Czeching out all the lovely Czech girls… feckin Avril for taking the zoom lens to Venice…
But now here we are in Munich where not only did we spend 6 and a half hours next to screaming kids on the train to get here, but it’s been pissing rain the last couple of days so tonight I think I am going to need some prozac with my weiss bier at the Hoffbrauhaus… feckin Munich…
Anyways tomorrow we are off to catch the last of the Spring snow in Innsbruck, Austria for a few days of snowboarding in the Alps…
…However, if my luck continues, chances are I’ll be carving up gravel and ice with my face, OR I’ll probably break 3 of my legs AND fracture both my armpits… feckin feckety feck…
Oh well… as long as I keep 5 of my teeth, then at least I’ll be a smoking hot muffin in Berlin…
Tschuss
Ausfarht-ing Kunst Ced (They are actually German words not swear words)
PS If you are bored, some bleak Hungarian pics are at this link
And some arty farty pics of Prague are at this link
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