6/10/05
…um… Hey muchachos…
…er… It’s 9am and we are currently sitting in the departure lounge in Cancun Mexico in transit from Havana and I’m typing this travellog on only 3 hours sleep whilst trying to ignore the vomit smell wafting from Avril’s hair… and it doesn’t really help that I am still a bit drunk too, so excuse me if I slur my typing or throw up on the keyboard…
Yep… once again we defied all logic and hit a salsa club on the night before having to get up at 4.30am to catch a flight… we REALLY are complete dumbfucks…
Actually, we both had half a bottle of rum each in 1 hour on empty stomachs, so Avril passed out after vomiting into her hair, …and the silly girl left me to hold it together and pack our backpacks when all I wanted to do is pass out too!!!
Man I didn’t realise that I had an unknown superpower to be able to suppress my drunkedness and pack us up and get us to the airport in the middle of the night…
BUT… 4 hours ago just as we arrived at the Havana airport my superpowers started to fade and I lost it COMPLETELY and starting to feel very VERY nauseous, I went looking for the toilets to throw up in…
But for some dumbarsed reason the only toilets in the entire airport was CLOSED for revovations!!!
…er… so I totally ended up VOMITING MEGACHUNKS into some poor worker’s wheel barrow full of cement that was just sitting next to an untiled wall in the toilets!!! …stoopid lamearse Cubans… WHY the fuck would you close the only toilets in the airport anyway???
…well, at least I know that a part of me will forever be immortalized in the cement grouting of the Havana airport toilets… Yay… let’s see Mr Immortalized Che Guevara beat that…!!!
…um… I actually feel pretty bad right now so I need to find a toilet…. I’m going to stop typing and finish this on the plane…
(interlude for vomiting and a sleep)
OK… I’m back and we are now on the plane to San Francisco after a brief stopover in Dallas which sucked since we almost missed the connection and running around the airport hungover with a potential grog bog coming was NOT fun… not to mention, I now have the theme song to Dallas stuck in my head…
Anyhows, we just have to tell you about last night since it was one of the best nights out we’ve ever had!!!
Basically, Nikki the Aussie girl from our casa and her Cuban boyfriend Guibert invited us out to the famous Casa de la Musica in Havana, to see some salsa and we were pretty keen since we had heard that Cuban dancing is just like having sex on the dance floor…. and holy crap…. we now have to say that they totally weren’t kidding!!!!
We initially thought the description of the Cuban dancing being like sex on the dancefloor was just a colourful expression, but no…. they literally mimic SEX on the dancefloor!!! There were girls sticking out their butts and gyrating their hips on guys crotches and the guys were literally pumping their hips like a chihuahua on heat…
In fact I was totally FLIPPING OUT in case we may have had to join in, since I totally have a phobia of Spontaneous Human Ejaculation, so I really wasn’t keen on Avril grinding me in public.
…and Holy Cow… we reckon Cubans must genetically have extra joints in their lower spine since all of the guys and girls can totally gyrate, vibrate and rotate their hips and bums like you wouldn’t believe… In fact, I was TOTALLY mesmerised watching all these gyrating bums since the only time I’ve ever come close to that level of bum shake was when I had worms…. you’ll have to see our video footage below to believe it!!! Just click the image!
In anycase, I was pretty keen to lay low since you guys who know me know that dancing is NOT one of my many superpowers, and I definitely have no hips and a flat arse, so being asked to dance the salsa or any other latino dance with pelvic movements has always been a great fear of mine…
In fact I remember being on the dancefloor and thinking that the 2 biggest fears I had leaving home were being kidnapped in Colombia and having to Latino dance in public… and that’s when everything went to shit…
There was a famous Cuban Salsa/Reggaeton band playing and the chick who was the lead singer called a few people up on stage to dance, and since I was the only Asian in the room, I stood out like dog’s balls, so they called me up…
Now of course I went all shucketty-shy and politely refused and brushed it off until Guibert pushed me up on stage and my greatest fear came to life…
HOLY COW… I was completely FLIPPING OUT DUDES!!! I totally had nowhere to hide!!! They were playing reggaeton music and there was 4 other spunky girls on stage with me all rotating, gyrating and vibrating away, ….and yet the whole room of about 500 hip-wiggley Cubans were all staring at ME… the petrified little Asian gringo…!!!!
In anycase, I did my best to try a little groovy gravy hip wiggle, but my Leo Sayer ninja powers failed me, and instead it came out as a bit of MC Hammer foot shuffling, Pointer Sisters finger pointing and Betty Boo bopping… oh and of course my favourite… Yazz and the Plastic Population shoulder shrugging… In other words, I made a complete DICK of myself…
…Hmm… OK Fidel C-astroboy may be stuck in the 50’s, but I am obviously stuck in the 80’s….
Well, after that, all I could do was drown my sorrows, so that was when we downed 2 bottles of Cuban rum between the 4 of us and since it was only 6pm in the evening, I don’t know how we crawled home after that…
Anyhows, the photos are now up on the web, so you can click here on our Cuba photos link to see me introducing the Betty Boo Bop to Cuba…
Luckily we had a camera on the walk home since Avril was pretty classy too as I have a great picture of her on our site sticking her fingers down her throat to vomit on the Malecon which is the lovely seaside boardwalk filled with young Cuban lovers…
…um… and it’s right after the picture where our friends are calming down the rasta guy that I punched on the way home when trying to show him why Kung Fu is better than Karate… damn that sweet cuban rum…
…oh and there’s also the pics from our trip to Vinales where we rolled cigars and plotted Fidel’s downfall in a plantation shack in the middle of a tobacco farm, and also from our Carribean beach frolic, but don’t look at these if you have a weak jealousy gland as you could explode with envy and we don’t really like imagining our friends exploded with fecal material and intestines splattered on their computers…
Anyways, we gotta go and join the real world again so we’ll be in San Francisco in 2 hours for my cousin’s wedding and so Avril can finally wash the vomit out of her hair…
We’ll hit Ireland next week, but I don’t know when we’ll get to send another travellog as we hate writing boring travel stories, and being back in the Western world just isn’t as interesting… especially when I’m back into doctor mode again…
However, we shall endeavour to do crazy shit and be as immature and irresponsible as possible so we can keep up these crazyarsed blogs…
Lots of Love and grog bogs for all
Megachunks Boy &
Vomit Girl
PS. Everything above that I wrote this morning when I was drunk made no sense whatsoever, so I had to go back and edit it all… I really shouldn’t drink and jive…
PPS When we got back from the Salsa club, our casa family cooked us liver for dinner so we ate it up to tone down the effects of the rum… so we can now say that we drank so much, that we threw up our liver…
PPPS To all of our friends in Europe (and Sophie in Quebec)… we’ll be in Ireland for sometime, so we’ll try and schedule a visit sometime… Drop us an email if there is a particularly good time to visit your part of the world…
PPPPS Thanks Nikki and Guibert for a great night out!!! …and special thanks to Joel and Ania for looking after us when we were almost passed out!!! Muchas, muchas gracias para todos! Siempre amigos!
lol – saving the best for last eh? Thats a pretty damn good entry 😀
There should be scope for more adventures such as this in Ireland, although downing the same quantities of guinness may be a tad difficult and the Irish may not back off as easy after getting punched 😉